Let It Be With Me According To Your Word

I awoke as I always did that spring-to the sound of doves nesting in the eaves of my father's house. The low cooing sound of the adults was interrupted by the frantic chirping of the chicks, hungry and outraged by their parents' delay in feeding them.

The sound reminded me of my chores, which generally revolved around helping Mother feed and take care of my younger brothers and sisters. Still groggy, I pulled myself up from my sleeping pallet and stepped carefully over my sisters. I got dressed and went to the well for water. It was still dark outside.

As always, there were other girls at the well and older women too, drawing water for their families. The well was the village gathering place-we would chat, exchange gossip and in the evening, the younger men would come to water their flocks and flirt with us girls. Many a marriage contract came from those encounters at the well. But in the early morning, we were too sleepy to talk, and the young men were off pasturing their sheep and goats.

I saw Susanna and Ruth, my best friends since we were little. We had played, stomped grapes together, gone to festivals and funerals and run in and out of each other's houses since we could walk. Ruth was the youngest of us-she was 13, but she would be married first-in just a few months. She was nervous about it because she had never met the man-her father had met him and arranged for the marriage while he was away trading. I was glad that I knew Joseph, at least somewhat. He is the son of my father's best friend, and we've been betrothed since we were little. I've seen him at all the great festivals and at weddings and funerals my whole life. He used to be so awkward-his clumsiness would make me smile. But he has grown out of it-he's handsome and kind and I am looking forward to our wedding. He wanted to get married right away, but Father convinced him to wait until I am 15, because I am needed at home to help with the children and with my grandfather. He moved down to Nazareth to be near me, and is staying with my uncle, helping him with his vineyard. I catch sight of him at synagogue, over on the men's side, and he is always looking at me. I wonder what it will be like when we're married?

Anyway, I nodded sleepily at Susanna and Ruth and promised to catch up with them later. The day flew by as usual-there was no hint that this would be the most momentous day of my life so far. When I got back from the well, I got the younger children dressed and started on their chores, while Mother got the fire going for the day's baking and the noonday meal. Breakfast was a small piece of bread and some cucumber, but at noon, Mother made lentils or some other kind of stew, and we would eat bread fresh from the oven. Supper would be bread again, and if we were lucky, an egg or some goat cheese. In the afternoon, I worked in the vegetable garden while Mother went to the stream to do the laundry. Then it was back to the well to draw more water and before I knew it, the day was over. As the sun set, we got the children in bed, and Mother, Father and Grandfather followed soon afterwards. Not only were they tired from the day's labor, but we couldn't afford the oil to keep our lamps lit-we only lit them on special occasions.

I was tired too, but in those days I often stayed up a little later than everyone, just so that I could have a little time to myself to think and daydream. I went out to our courtyard, to my favorite spot, where I could lean my head against the wall and look up at the sky and the branches of our olive tree. It was a dark night-I couldn't see any stars, and the moon was hiding behind the clouds. I listened to the wind rustling the branches of nearby trees and the cry of some night bird. My thoughts turned to the future, when I would be married to Joseph-I wondered what my life would be like, and if Joseph and I would love each other.

As I was sitting there daydreaming, I felt as I often do, an indefinable sense of longing. It's hard to put into words-I just had an aching sense of something missing, something that I could only dream of. Part of what I felt was pity for the suffering and backbreaking labor of all the people I knew. With the crushing taxes we had to pay the Romans and the temple authorities, and the fickleness of the weather, hunger was a constant threat. And those who couldn't work, the blind and the lame, the lepers who lived in exile outside the gates of our village, had no choice but to beg for every scrap of food. Why did life have to be so cruel? I yearned for life to be different-kinder and more just.

But it was more than that-that aching longing was for something missing in me. I was blessed to have a family and friends, and a good man to marry me, but there is still something missing. I found myself praying. God, what is this intense desire in me? What is this emptiness inside? I don't even know what it is I long for, but you know, O God. You know me better than I know myself. You formed me in my mother's womb.

My eyes were closed at that point, but I was suddenly sure that I was no longer alone in the courtyard. My eyes flew open and right in front of me stood a stranger. How had he gotten in? If he had come through the house, he would have woken everybody up. And if he had come through the gate, I would have heard him unlatch it. But I had heard nothing. I was so startled I couldn't even cry out. As I stared at him with my mouth open, he spoke to me: "Greetings, favored one. The Lord is with you." Even though his voice was soft and low, sounding almost like the rustling trees, I was terrified by his presence and bewildered by what he said. "Favored one?" Could he mean me? "The Lord is with you?" Was this man a messenger from God, an angel? I had heard of angels of course, but I never ever expected to see one. Was this an answer to my prayer? If so, I did not feel at all ready to hear it. I wanted to run away at that moment, but I felt rooted to the ground.

The angel or whoever he was, went on: "Do not be terrified, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And now, you will conceive and bear a son, and you will name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the most High, and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his ancestor David. He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end."

As he spoke, I noticed he was standing in a pool of light. It almost seemed as if the light was coming from him. The light fell on me too, and I felt less frightened, even though I was deeply confused by what he had just said. He wanted me to bear a Son, for God? A thousand thoughts ran through my head at that moment---what would Joseph or my parents say if I turned up pregnant-how could anyone believe that I was carrying God's child? I could be stoned to death if they didn't believe me-or at least kicked out of my village. Then how could I take care of a baby by myself? But of all the thoughts that raced through my head, the one that came out of my mouth was, "how can I conceive since I am a virgin?"

He answered in the same soft voice, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be holy; he will be called the Son of God. And now, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son; and this is the sixth month for her who was said to be barren. For nothing will be impossible with God."

"Nothing will be impossible with God." The words reverberated in my head. "Nothing will be impossible with God." Cousin Elizabeth pregnant! After so many miscarriages and so many tears! God had given her a child. Couldn't God give me a child as well, even though I had never been with a man? Couldn't God help me to care for the child, even if everyone abandoned me? What if this really was a holy child, sent to comfort God's people? What if it was really God's Son? Nothing will be impossible with God.

I felt very small and very scared at that moment. Afterwards, looking back, I could hardly believe I found the courage to say yes. But when God opens a door and beckons you through it, it is worth everything to let go of your fear and walk through that door. As young and inexperienced as I was, I must have had an inkling that answering God's call is the only thing that can fill the empty place inside. God is always reaching out to us, calling to us, and all we have to do is say yes. Yes, I will bear this child, though I am young and poor and unmarried. Yes, even though Joseph will have the right to break our engagement and put me away in disgrace. Yes, though my parents might kick me out and my neighbors might shun me. Yes, yes, yes! I put my trust in the Lord, for whom nothing is impossible.

"Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word."